As father and I sat inside the dimmed light of the castle-like mansion's spacious and smoke-filled foyer, we had our daily round of insincere small talk. "How was school?" said Father, "Have you gotten your Christian Studies grade up yet?" 
   

Do you live in Oklahoma? Have you looked outside?

I love ice and snow. I'm not in a writing mood, so here's where you can find some pics.

Can it ever be so long since you've cried that when you finally do, the tears burn your eyes?

Or are the tears I cried special, ones that can only be produced while crying without self-pity?

Tonight a wonderful thing happened:
I cried. I cried like an infant. I can't remember the last time I cried without self-pity. It was at the hands of an amazing Brokeback Mountain Fan-fic and a wonderful Bright Eyes song (the subject of this entry). It was so refreshing because... I was feeling so numb.

(for the new world order)

This is my first Official LiveJournal entry... so Yay!

I was in Speech & Drama yesterday, and we had an assignment where we wrote a short (30 secs) speech about something that meant a lot to us. I, of course, did my rant about the existence of evil people, and others did their respective interests. It was a spectacular assignment that most people enjoyed, but afterwards the teacher chastised us for being morose once in a while. "Every day when you get up- if you can get up- you choose how you will feel that day," she said. I have to disagree. Kids can't always be happy when you are getting beat every day, or if your mom is dying of cancer, or... the list can go on. I have gone as far as to argue this point to her and she denied it.

I am happy about my new job at Pizza Hut, I need to buy Brokeback Mountain... and some hair dye.

I finally watched Brokeback Mountain last night, but this isn't about the movie (completely.) Yoshimi... by The Flaming Lips is battling the sadness that has followed the Amazing- yet very depressing movie.
What happened in the movie made me question almost everything, and realize something very important: There are few "fairy tale" endings. I think this has always been on the back of my mind but It was suddenly right in front of my face and on a television screen in Josh's room. The movie even pushed me into reading Fan-fiction about it to give me closure, it helped.
Uggh, so graduation is coming up fast and I have this form of separation anxiety. Not like "omg, I have to be around you" but I seem to want to isolate myself from people. I'm not stupid, I know most of us won't talk much after high school, but it seems like I'm trying to end the semi-close relationships I have right now. Its like I'm trying to end the relationships before they just fade away. if you feel like I'm doing this to you, pimp-slap me and we can talk about it.
The biggest thing in my life right now is probably the fact that one of my closest friends- josh- is leaving for D.C. for three months. I think I'll miss him more than anyone else could miss anyone. I can't put it into words right now, so I'll end that here.

Face it Yoshimi, you're fighting a losing battle.

... we must stare, we must stare, we must stare!

So, Saddam is dead. Who should choose who lives and dies? What's next? When will we learn that war cannot create peace and why on earth are we celebrating the death of ANY human being?

I really hate the death penalty, I do, but that is really not the point. The point is people are sensationalizing the death of a human, posting videos and 'celebrating' his death. Its sickening to see people behaving this way. If you can't understand where I'm coming from, you must have not ever lost a loved one. Think of what Saddam's family must be going through right now, just from his death. Now add people glorifying his execution. No, not Iraqis who's family members Saddam killed, but Americans who have never been physically threatened by him in their life. Sure, I am happy he will no longer threaten his people, and if anyone deserved the death penalty, it was him.

I'm not going to apologize for stepping on toes here. If you are going to commit the atrocity of celebrating Saddam's (or anyone else's') death, get the heck away while you do it.

<33~matt

My last blog covered good/evil-the judgment of a person, this one is about right/wrong the judgment of ones actions.

As I stated in the last paragraph of my previous blog, What is right and what is wrong is not decided upon by those committing the action, but by society view of the action. In America, if you decide to take out the mail-carrier for not promptly bringing your CDs you ordered, you know that this is against the law and therefore wrong (and if you get that upset about some CDs then you probably have issues). Also, in my opinion, any action that violates the basic human right to live is wrong. This would mean that when Hitler and Hussein(sp) took a life, they were horribly horribly wrong in their actions by society's standards. They knew this also, so they should be reprimanded accordingly.

If you are a Christian, then it says in the bible not to judge a person- to label them as good or evil; the Bible, however, doesn't say anything about labeling a persons actions.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

<33~matt